Marriage is a social institution. Its types, functions and characteristics vary from culture to culture, and can change over time depending on evolving socio-economics.
In the Quran, ‘marriage’ is no more than the promise of two people to stay together with love and care. Thus the only requirement for a Quran-instituted marriage/QIM (NIKAH1) is mutually respectful agreement, consent or commitment (4:19, 4:21, 4:24, 30:21).
MUTUALLY RESPECTFUL AGREEMENT or commitment is a solemn pledge (meethaqan galezaan, 4:21), which is based on the principles of mutual dedication (baʿḍukum ila baʿḍin, 4:21), love, care and compassion (4:19, 30:21). It is this powerful and binding agreement of conjugal relationship that constitutes the important basis of ‘marriage’ as an institution. The agreement or commitment can be informal – not necessarily verbal or written or with documentation – and also, according to some interpretations, can be for any flexible length of time (4:24)2. The latter allegedly allowed the traditional practices of ‘temporary marriage’ like mutah or pleasure marriage among Shias and misyar or traveller’s marriage among Sunnis.
Since only a mutual consent between a couple, and nothing else, is all that’s required for a ‘marriage’, a parental or guardian’s permission is not required. For details, see Note 3 of Child marriage violates the Quran.
An arbitrary, mutually negotiable gift, called MAHR3 or bridal-due, is expected to be paid by the male partner to the female partner at the initiation of sexual union (2:237, 4:4, 4:19, 4:20, 4:24, 60:10, 60:11). However, instead of being paid or committed immediately, it can be agreed upon to be paid or committed in future – thus a marriage can be conducted with a later commitment to mahr (2:236). Also, any earlier commitment can be changed with mutual agreement anytime after the marriage (4:24). This arbitrary nature of mahr, however, has been often misused by male-dominant secondary sources: e.g., in Hanafi School, mahr can be as small as 10 dirham (3 dollars). With its feudo-patriarchal roots in the 7th century Arabia, mahr may not have the same role in our today’s very different socio-economics3.
While there is no specific requirement in the Quran for WITNESSING to validate a ‘marriage’, and while witnessing is non-mandatory for marriage matters in the Shia tradition, this additional requirement comes from the Sunni tradition which requires two witnesses (i.e., a couple’s ‘marriage’ becomes validated if their intimacy is known to at least two people). Apparently, when there was no marriage registrar, witnessing by people was a way to protect the rights of the mother and the child in the case of a pregnancy. However, witnessing is technically non-essential for ‘marriage’ because a couple living in a deserted place can become spouses.
Obviously, if a lawful sexual union requires only an oral agreement/consent and an arbitrary gift (mahr), which can be as minimal as 3 dollars or even nothing, then the living together of a committed couple seems to be in line with the principles of a QIM (nikah) and therefore cannot be judged as illicit or immoral. Also, though commitment and marriage can be connected, they are not necessarily synonymous. Simply by means of regurgitating vows and signing the document, a commitment cannot be made. That one moment is not indicative of a continued, regular, active commitment to someone. Moreover, marriage too can be exploitative if one of the spouses is deprived of equal rights and choices, e.g., if a wife is denied access to education and career or made financially dependent on her controlling husband whose patriarchal egotism violates his marital vows. Calling the above a legal union, while rejecting the legitimacy of the bond of a cohabiting, loving couple, is both illogical and inhuman. God cannot be that irrational.
We observe that a QIM (nikah) is only a social contract, which, unlike a Catholic or Hindu marriage, is neither sacred nor necessarily permanent. It is simpler and more flexible than a modern, civil marriage, where the marriage is performed, recognised and documented by a government official. A civil marriage law often considers officially unregistered Muslim religious marriages as illegitimate due to their oral nature, and also because they are deemed to counter some of the women’s rights and wider legal and cultural norms. In contrast, in many countries, the civil law recognises a registered cohabitating couple4 as having similar legal rights to spouses in a civil marriage.
Finally, in matters of conjugal life, the overall spirit of the Quran condemns oppression, exploitation and subjugation, and promotes love and mutual care through a committed relationship. A marriage, or cohabitation or whatever else, is only a means to this End, but is not the End in itself. Any respectful cohabitation for any length of time between two consenting adults, with or without ‘marriage’, is based on this concept of relationship. Since this requires a certain level of responsibility and dedication towards each other so that no one is treated as a commodity, it qualitatively differs from promiscuity and harlotry.
Final thoughts
NIKAH, the Quran-instituted marriage, is any sexual or conjugal bonding, based on a mutually respectful agreement, consent or commitment, which may or may not be written or even verbal and which provides the couple a working relationship. It is more like cohabitation rather than a modern civil marriage.
The Quran doesn’t state that nikah needs to be an event or ritual, or needs to be necessarily conducted by an Imam, as traditionally misconstrued.
Related articles:
Is sex before marriage necessarily wrong?
Nikah: The Quranic Laws of Sex
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Note 1
NIKAH. The word nikah simply means coupling or bonding. It derives from the root word Nun-Kaf-Ha (to tie or make a knot), which occurs in the Quran as a reference to any consensual sexual or conjugal bonding, including unlawful coupling where ‘marriage’ is unviable, e.g., due to incestuous relationship (“don’t sexually bond with any women your fathers married …”, 4:22; cf. “s/he couples with”, 24:3). In Islamic law, nikah is a sexual or conjugal bonding, based on a contract or agreement, which provides the couple a working relationship. Viewed from a civil law perspective, nikah is like an unregistered living together rather than a properly instituted marriage (PIM), since the latter involves registered oath whereby both parties have detailed rights and obligations, along with the rights of their children, in accordance with the state jurisdiction. Some researchers suggest that, while nikah is not a marriage, but a contract for cohabitation, the actual expression in the Quran that could be nearer to describe a human relationship like marriage is “those maintained/committed to by oath/contract” (ma malakat aymanuhum, 23:5-7, 70:30-31; cf. 24:31, 4:24-25). While insistently reminding people of the permanent human values and rights (4:26, 2:176) regarding the bonding of a couple (nikah), the Quran has left marriage ((zawāj) and the evolving laws to the societies involved. Here is a detailed study: Nikah: The Quranic Laws of Sex.
Note 2
TEMPORARY MARRIAGES, according to some interprtetations, seem to have been recognised in the Quran without any restriction or prohibition other than insistence on the payment of a mutually negotiable mahr which protects the woman’s rights: Then as to those women of whom you seek content/enjoyment (istimt’atum, by temporary marriage), pay their mahrs as an obligation. But there is no blame on you if you mutually agree to change the settlement after it has been made. 4:24. ‘Istamt’atum’ derives from Miim-Ta-Ayn (enjoy/benefit, gift, anything useful/advantageous, goods, a commodity etc), a common root shared by mutah (enjoy), which means to benefit, to enjoy for purposes of mutual advantage or to profit from one another. Because there is no clear Quranic evidence that temporary marriage was prohibited – and because “everything is allowed unless clearly prohibited” – some people consider temporary marriage as Quranically legitimate. Both Shia and Sunni agree that it was permissible during the Prophet’s ministry and among believers. If it was prohibited, the Quran would clearly mention the prohibition. Reputedly, ‘temporary marriage’ traditions existed during the Prophet’s lifetime and even later, unless banned by the second Caliph Omar. One may or may not wish to go along with the innovations (bidat) of the Caliphs, but one cannot impose their interpretation on everyone else. People should decide for themselves what works for them.
Note 3
MAHR is arbitrary and mutually negotiable, and therefore, instead of being paid or committed immediately, it can also be agreed upon to be paid or committed in future: “There is no blame on you if you divorce the women while you have not yet touched them, nor committed for them a portion (mahr). … 2:236”. Here the couple is already married before the man has committed to mahr, which indicates that a marriage CAN BE conducted with a later commitment to mahr. Also, any earlier commitment can be changed with mutual agreement anytime after the marriage: “ … Then as to those of whom you seek content, give them their dowries as appointed; and there is no blame on you about what you mutually agree after what is appointed. … 4:24”. This is how a woman can choose to live a spousal life while reducing or even totally remitting her mahr, if she so wishes. Thus mahr ceases to be an obligation, based on a mutual consent. This arbitrary nature of mahr, however, has been often misused by male-dominant secondary sources: e.g., in Hanafi School, mahr can be as small as 10 dirham (3 dollars). Even some hadith hearsays have made women so cheap that a man can marry a woman by paying her a mahr as little as an iron ring or by simply reciting something of the Quran. See: https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5087. The instruction related to mahr was originally introduced based on the concept that the males were initiators and maintainers of the marital bond – a feudo-patriarchal concept that was rooted in the socio-economic context of the 7th century Arabia where males were bread earners and financially responsible for their female partners: “Men are maintainers/caretakers of women with what God has bestowed on some of them over others (in some respects) and with what they may spend out of their possessions. … 4:34”. This is one of the “O you who believe” verses (cf. 4:29), i.e., verses of which we are not the specific target audience. Structured according to their own historical context, these verses often contain very specific, time-bound instructions which, if not freshly reinterpreted, cannot be applicable after the Prophet’s life-time, and to us today, in the same way as they were applicable to their direct listeners of the 7th century Hijaz. See: Are all “O you who believe” verses applicable to us? In the modern context, where female members are also bread earners – who may want to see marriage as a partnership between two equal parties rather than between a caretaker and a dependent – the instruction related to mahr cannot necessarily apply in the same way as it was applicable to its target addressees, i.e., the ‘believers’ during the time of the Prophet. Here is a related article: A Meditation on Mahr, Modernity and Muslim Marriage Contract Law.
Note 4
CO-HABITATION AGREEMENT. Some people may not want to undergo a civil marriage ceremony for a variety of reasons, in which case, in some countries, they could opt for a co-habitation agreement instead. A cohabitation agreement is a legally binding document that is signed by both partners who are living together, either unmarried or in a Nikah, to enjoy similar rights to spouses in a civil marriage. Within the cohabitation agreement the partners agree and outline what should happen if they broke up in the future. There could be clauses included in the agreement which outline exactly what each person would be entitled to in the event of divorce in regard to the family home, child maintenance, outstanding debt and division of other assets. For more information, see: Cohabitation.
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